My blog use to be an escape for me. I use to rant on here and feel better and I guess I want to get back to that. As you all know I am at the lowest point in my life I have EVER been and boy does it suck. I just pray every day for better days. 2 months to the day exactly of my split from Joe he posted pictures of him with the GIRL and kissing her. His mood said loved. I just lost it.I sat here and wept and even wondered how someone I spent 9 years with could be so heartless?? I think some random girl at a bar would not have bothered me. But this was the girl he ruined my marriage for.:0(
I am not angry with God. I am actually spending a lot of time at my church, but I am just confused. How much more do I have to hurt?? How much worse does it have to get?? I recently turned 29. I want nothing more than to be a mom, but I sadly think that my chances for that are getting slimmer and slimmer. It could take YEARS to find someone and maybe by then it will be too late to have kids. Joe never was ready to have kids with me but the GIRL has a 3year old son. That kills me too. I am trying to be strong, and some days I am fine. Then there are days all I do is cry. I am just in need of a lot of prayer right now. Things are just hard.
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
......
I know that God will not give us more than we can handle...but right now I am wishing that he did not trust me so much. I am having a hard week...and it just started.
Monday, August 17, 2009
My not so happy life...
Where have I been for the last 3 months?? Well I have been SUPER busy. For those of you that do not already know, Joe and I are getting a divorce. He has A LOT of issues still from Iraq and will not get help or admit that there is a problem. I have tried and tried to get him to get some help, but ultimately he has to want to do it. So... I have a new job and a new place. I live in a one bedroom apartment close to campus and I work at a flower shop. I am doing ok. There are days I am angry, sad, lonely... and then there are days I tell myself I can do this. I have been getting super involved in a church and that is helping. I am leaning on God, Family and Friends to get me through this. I KNOW that God did not give me more than I can handle...it's just some days I wished he did not trust me so much!
So....if there is anything I ask during my darkest days ahead it's that you PRAY for Joe. Pray that he finds God and peace within himself for the past.
So....if there is anything I ask during my darkest days ahead it's that you PRAY for Joe. Pray that he finds God and peace within himself for the past.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
My newest adventure....running!
That's right the asthmatic, wimpy girl took up running! I started running with Joe a few weeks ago. He needs to get ready for ANOC and I need to get past my 15 pound slump...so I took up running! I have lost 15 pounds but I am kinda at a stuck spot so I thought that this might push me forward and keep me motivated. But... I need some advice! I need some good running music. I have none and it's sometimes hard to find anything I want to run to. Also, I need suggestions on good running shoes? I have some Nike's but they are not doing to trick. I have scoliosis so the constant pounding is not doing me any favors. I need something that might help with my back pains.(If that is possible). Any suggestions are very welcomed!:0)
THANKS!! I hope all is well.:0)
THANKS!! I hope all is well.:0)
Sunday, April 26, 2009
My new Tattoo
All my Germany ladies will appreciate my new tattoo!!! I got it last Tuesday and HOLY CRAP it HURT!! My other 2 did not so I went in with the same mentality....not good! I am pretty sure this is my last tattoo. That's enough torture for me. This pic was taken with a camera phone. I will take with my real camera this week.
Rosie has a special meaning to me. Not only was she our role model while our husbands were in Iraq, but my great grandmother was a Rosie. She worked on the flight lines during World War 2. My father has knives she made out of airplane parts. So Gertrude Tingler....this ones for you!!!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
Oklahoma fires
If you have not heard on the news this is what is going on in Oklahoma right now. The fires spread up and down I-35 and came within 10 miles of hitting our house. they did a recommended evacuation of my neighborhood. This report does not mention it, but Stillwater was hit by the same fires that hit Midwest city. It was a pretty scary day yesterday.
Oklahoma official says blaze intentionally set
Oklahoma AP AP – Nathan Christmon, left, surveys the damage to his home in Midwest City, Okla., Friday, April 10, 2009, … By SEAN MURPHY, Associated Press Writer Sean Murphy, Associated Press Writer – 1 hr 48 mins ago
MIDWEST CITY, Okla. – A wind-whipped blaze that destroyed more than 50 homes in this Oklahoma City suburb was intentionally set, fire officials said Friday.
An area near a wrecker service where the fire started Thursday is frequented by teenagers from a nearby high school and investigators were looking into the possibility that they might have set the blaze, Midwest City Fire Marshal Jerry Lojka said.
Authorities have not identified any suspects or determined a motive, he said.
The fire, one of several statewide driven by strong winds and fueled by dry grass and brush, engulfed homes throughout east Oklahoma County, including in Midwest City and Choctaw. So far, more than 100 houses had burned down in the state and 49 people were injured, the Oklahoma Department of Emergency Management said.
Fire investigators were still trying to determine what caused the other fires.
The battle against wildfires in western and central Oklahoma and across the state line in Texas eased Friday as 60 mph winds diminished, allowing evacuated residents to return to neighborhoods with charred homes, blackened vegetation and ruined cars. At least three people were killed in Texas.
The fires began Thursday afternoon along the Interstate 35, the main north-south highway through central Oklahoma. Parts of the highway reopened Friday after being closed for several hours.
Oklahoma Gov. Brad Henry declared a state of emergency for 31 central and southern Oklahoma communities, which allows state agencies to speed the delivery of needed resources. Texas Gov. Rick Perry on Friday asked FEMA to issue an emergency declaration that would provide federal assets and resources for 199 threatened counties.
Residents evacuated while the fires raged were allowed to return home. For Sammetra Christmon of Midwest City, there was only a blackened, smoking ruin where her home had been.
"The memories, the photos, this is the house I have worked all my life for," she said Friday as she and her family picked through the smoldering debris. Her 9-year-old daughter was taking it hard.
"She's devastated, just in tears this morning," Christmon said. "This is the only house she's ever known."
Water-dropping helicopters couldn't assist the ground effort Thursday because winds gusted to more than 60 mph in some areas.
"Anytime you have high winds and low humidity, it's just the perfect storm for wildfires, and that's what's happening here," Oklahoma Emergency Management Director Albert Ashwood said.
In northern and central Texas, blazes that began Thursday continued to race across thousands of parched acres Friday, overrunning the towns of Sunset and Stoneburg and forcing the temporary evacuations in several others.
Linda Freeman, who was told Thursday to evacuate her mobile home in Sunset, said she went to her son's house about 10 miles away where "he turned on the news, and I saw my home burning." On Friday, all that remained were the steel stairs that once led to her front door.
The town's fire chief, Alan Campbell, said nine homes had burned to the ground.
Montague County Sheriff Paul Cunningham said Friday that a woman died, possibly from a heart attack, after calling for an ambulance in a fire near Bowie on Thursday. WFAA-TV of Dallas-Fort Worth reported two other fire victims: the television station's former reporter, Matt Quinn, and his wife, Cathy. Their son was injured and was in fair condition at Parkland Memorial Hospital in Dallas, the station said.
The Oklahoma Department of Emergency Management said a firefighter helping battle a blaze in Lincoln County, northeast of Oklahoma City, was hospitalized with burns and another person was severely injured after losing control of a vehicle on a smoke-covered road in Stephens County in southern Oklahoma.
Other injuries ranged from minor to moderate, officials said.
At the Midwest City Community Center, where about 75 residents flocked after flames threatened their homes, Kanisha Busby waited for her parents to arrive. Their home, where she grew up, was destroyed but nobody was hurt.
"It's hard, but all that stuff is material things that can be replaced; lives can't be replaced," Busby said. Residents were given sufficient warning to evacuate, and her father also managed to save his dog, she said.
Susan Staggs, who lives near Midwest City, said Friday that she and her neighbors who gathered at an evacuation point Thursday night could see the glow of flames, but didn't know if their homes were being engulfed.
"After dark, you could just see the flames crossing the road," she said. "I had two cats in my house and my horse and goats were still there." Her home was spared, it turned out, because a pile of gravel and dirt from her neighbor's driveway project served as a firebreak. But the neighbor's home was lost.
Oklahoma official says blaze intentionally set
Oklahoma AP AP – Nathan Christmon, left, surveys the damage to his home in Midwest City, Okla., Friday, April 10, 2009, … By SEAN MURPHY, Associated Press Writer Sean Murphy, Associated Press Writer – 1 hr 48 mins ago
MIDWEST CITY, Okla. – A wind-whipped blaze that destroyed more than 50 homes in this Oklahoma City suburb was intentionally set, fire officials said Friday.
An area near a wrecker service where the fire started Thursday is frequented by teenagers from a nearby high school and investigators were looking into the possibility that they might have set the blaze, Midwest City Fire Marshal Jerry Lojka said.
Authorities have not identified any suspects or determined a motive, he said.
The fire, one of several statewide driven by strong winds and fueled by dry grass and brush, engulfed homes throughout east Oklahoma County, including in Midwest City and Choctaw. So far, more than 100 houses had burned down in the state and 49 people were injured, the Oklahoma Department of Emergency Management said.
Fire investigators were still trying to determine what caused the other fires.
The battle against wildfires in western and central Oklahoma and across the state line in Texas eased Friday as 60 mph winds diminished, allowing evacuated residents to return to neighborhoods with charred homes, blackened vegetation and ruined cars. At least three people were killed in Texas.
The fires began Thursday afternoon along the Interstate 35, the main north-south highway through central Oklahoma. Parts of the highway reopened Friday after being closed for several hours.
Oklahoma Gov. Brad Henry declared a state of emergency for 31 central and southern Oklahoma communities, which allows state agencies to speed the delivery of needed resources. Texas Gov. Rick Perry on Friday asked FEMA to issue an emergency declaration that would provide federal assets and resources for 199 threatened counties.
Residents evacuated while the fires raged were allowed to return home. For Sammetra Christmon of Midwest City, there was only a blackened, smoking ruin where her home had been.
"The memories, the photos, this is the house I have worked all my life for," she said Friday as she and her family picked through the smoldering debris. Her 9-year-old daughter was taking it hard.
"She's devastated, just in tears this morning," Christmon said. "This is the only house she's ever known."
Water-dropping helicopters couldn't assist the ground effort Thursday because winds gusted to more than 60 mph in some areas.
"Anytime you have high winds and low humidity, it's just the perfect storm for wildfires, and that's what's happening here," Oklahoma Emergency Management Director Albert Ashwood said.
In northern and central Texas, blazes that began Thursday continued to race across thousands of parched acres Friday, overrunning the towns of Sunset and Stoneburg and forcing the temporary evacuations in several others.
Linda Freeman, who was told Thursday to evacuate her mobile home in Sunset, said she went to her son's house about 10 miles away where "he turned on the news, and I saw my home burning." On Friday, all that remained were the steel stairs that once led to her front door.
The town's fire chief, Alan Campbell, said nine homes had burned to the ground.
Montague County Sheriff Paul Cunningham said Friday that a woman died, possibly from a heart attack, after calling for an ambulance in a fire near Bowie on Thursday. WFAA-TV of Dallas-Fort Worth reported two other fire victims: the television station's former reporter, Matt Quinn, and his wife, Cathy. Their son was injured and was in fair condition at Parkland Memorial Hospital in Dallas, the station said.
The Oklahoma Department of Emergency Management said a firefighter helping battle a blaze in Lincoln County, northeast of Oklahoma City, was hospitalized with burns and another person was severely injured after losing control of a vehicle on a smoke-covered road in Stephens County in southern Oklahoma.
Other injuries ranged from minor to moderate, officials said.
At the Midwest City Community Center, where about 75 residents flocked after flames threatened their homes, Kanisha Busby waited for her parents to arrive. Their home, where she grew up, was destroyed but nobody was hurt.
"It's hard, but all that stuff is material things that can be replaced; lives can't be replaced," Busby said. Residents were given sufficient warning to evacuate, and her father also managed to save his dog, she said.
Susan Staggs, who lives near Midwest City, said Friday that she and her neighbors who gathered at an evacuation point Thursday night could see the glow of flames, but didn't know if their homes were being engulfed.
"After dark, you could just see the flames crossing the road," she said. "I had two cats in my house and my horse and goats were still there." Her home was spared, it turned out, because a pile of gravel and dirt from her neighbor's driveway project served as a firebreak. But the neighbor's home was lost.
Friday, March 27, 2009
What happened??
A few have e-mailed and asked what happened to Gavin(the boy in my daycare). I will do my best to keep it together long enough to write this without tears all over my laptop! Gavin had asthma. He would sometimes need breathing treatments, but not really a big deal. Well Friday(13th) his teacher said he seemed a little tired and not himself all day. We called mom and dad and they said asthma and that they would give him a treatment that evening. Well I guess the next day Grandma was watching him and said he seemed not right. She took him to the hospital and turns out he had pneumonia. He did not act all the sick, a little wheezy, but not too alarming. I guess they put him in an oxygen tank or something to do with oxygen to help his lungs. His dad called Monday and said things were better and they were giving less oxygen and possible moving him out of ICU. Gavin passed away 2 days later after having an asthma attack.
One of my teachers is beating herself up saying she should have done more, and I think in a way is blaming herself. I reassured her that it was not her fault and that she did all she could have done. It still does not seem completely real to me. We all loved him so much. We spend a lot of time with our kids and we get very attached to them. You can't help it...they become your kids in a way! We are all just taking it one day at a time.
We are going to build a new playground in his honor. If anybody knows of Big Companies that might donate to new playground equipment that would be super cool. We are in desperate need of a new playground!
Anyway, just thought I would share since some of you asked. I guess it is helping me in a way too.
*HUGS*
One of my teachers is beating herself up saying she should have done more, and I think in a way is blaming herself. I reassured her that it was not her fault and that she did all she could have done. It still does not seem completely real to me. We all loved him so much. We spend a lot of time with our kids and we get very attached to them. You can't help it...they become your kids in a way! We are all just taking it one day at a time.
We are going to build a new playground in his honor. If anybody knows of Big Companies that might donate to new playground equipment that would be super cool. We are in desperate need of a new playground!
Anyway, just thought I would share since some of you asked. I guess it is helping me in a way too.
*HUGS*
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Wrapping my head around it all.....
Well as most of you know I was on vacation last week. We went to Indianapolis, Cincinnati, and Chicago. AMAZING AMAZING trip!! Well...that was until the day I got the phone call...One of the little boys that attended my daycare passed away on March 18th. He would have been 2 on April 14th. This little guy and I were VERY close. I know I am not supposed to play favorites, but he was. I opened my center everyday and he was always the first to get there so we had a lot of cuddle time and one on one time. I was building quite the relationship with his parents too. He meant a lot to me. The funeral was yesterday and it was very tough on all of my employees. I could not look at the parents during the funeral. The thought of a parent burying their child was too much for me. I also had a hard time with the coffin. They are not supposed to be that small. They just aren't it not right. I am a religious person and I love God very much, but I am going to be honest. I am having a hard time understanding why it was his time? Why did God need such a precious angel? I am not angry...just confused.
My employees are taking it really hard. I am going to get a councilor in to talk to them all.
Please just pray for Gavin's parents(Kurk and Tiffani). I ask selfishly that you pray for me and my employees too and that was can have some comfort and closure.
My employees are taking it really hard. I am going to get a councilor in to talk to them all.
Please just pray for Gavin's parents(Kurk and Tiffani). I ask selfishly that you pray for me and my employees too and that was can have some comfort and closure.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Results
So the doc went over the ct scan with me. I have A LOT of cysts on my ovaries. One that was apparently quite large already ruptured(hence the massive amounts of pain). There is apparently a lot of blood and fluid in my body from the one that ruptured. So...PAIN killers and new birth control for me! I go back in 2 weeks. If the cysts are still there then they might go in and remove them. Wish me luck the new pills work and all will be well. I HAVE to get well vacation....... is in 5 days!!!!
Keep me in your prayers
I had a pain in my side last Thursday. It has gotten a lot worse so I went to the doctor yesterday. They did blood work and a CT Scan. I find out today what is going on. Just keep me in your prayers please.
Roxxi
Roxxi
Friday, March 06, 2009
9 days til vacation, 9 days til vacation, 9 days til vacation!!!
So...I am more than ready for my vacation! Work has REALLY gotten to me lately. I decided to go and pamper myself a little today. I went and got a way over due TOTALLY needed hair cut. I am posting pics of the new cut. Please excuse the mess in the background. I took them in Joe's "Man Cave" where all of his junk is. LADIES IF YOUR MAN DOES NOT HAVE A MAN CAVE HE SHOULD!!!!! If you give them a room for all their crap, then they don't leave it all over the house! It's fabulous!:0)
Hope everyone is doing well and as ready for spring as I am. It was 88 here today and I LOVED it! I took the kids out all afternoon. We got a big dose of vitamin D.
Gotta run...early morning ahead!
Hope everyone is doing well and as ready for spring as I am. It was 88 here today and I LOVED it! I took the kids out all afternoon. We got a big dose of vitamin D.
Gotta run...early morning ahead!
Monday, February 23, 2009
Feeling it!!
OK so whoever thought that being a wife, a boss and a college student all at the same time was a good idea...is crazy!I am totally starting to feel the effects of trying to do all 3. I became the director of a daycare here in Stillwater in November. I am an ECE( Early Childhood Education) Major and trying to figure out where that degree will take me. I thought sure why not try a director and see if you like it. The daycare is small(only licenced for 42) so I thought...ah what the hey! It can't be that hard. HA!! Every day is a new challenge. I feel like I am pulled in 8 different directions every day. Not to mention keeping 42 kids and PARENTS happy. There is ALWAYS someone that calls in(almost daily) but since we are so small we do not have extra staff, so it makes it hard on everyone. Last week I had 2 teachers call in on the same day. I seriously left for class crying because my stress level was through the roof. I sometimes LOVE my job and other days I just want to give it all up.
Then there is school. I am at "big girl" school now and IT SUCKS!! I went to a smaller college up until now and this semester transferred to OSU. At my old school you had really small classes where the professor knows your name(and their always glad you came... ha ha that song popped into my head!) and you are actually a student. Now I am one of 65 in one class and NO ONE cares if you come to class or not and I feel completely lost! Not to mention even the homework is a lot tougher. A girl in my class said " You survived your husband in Iraq and you are worried about surviving this class?" I said yes! Iraq was not easy but I had my girlfriends! I have no on here to help me.:0) I would sometimes take Iraq again over statistics and child theory.
I am basically writing this letter as a stress reliever. I need to vent for a minute and clear my head. Just a lot to take in right now.
On one VERY HAPPY NOTE..... I am gonna be an aunt!!!:0) My brother and his wife are expecting their first one in the Fall!!!!! My mom is SUPER happy...it's the first Grand baby for her!:0) Maybe their second can grow up with our first;0)
Have a great week!! *HUGS*
Then there is school. I am at "big girl" school now and IT SUCKS!! I went to a smaller college up until now and this semester transferred to OSU. At my old school you had really small classes where the professor knows your name(and their always glad you came... ha ha that song popped into my head!) and you are actually a student. Now I am one of 65 in one class and NO ONE cares if you come to class or not and I feel completely lost! Not to mention even the homework is a lot tougher. A girl in my class said " You survived your husband in Iraq and you are worried about surviving this class?" I said yes! Iraq was not easy but I had my girlfriends! I have no on here to help me.:0) I would sometimes take Iraq again over statistics and child theory.
I am basically writing this letter as a stress reliever. I need to vent for a minute and clear my head. Just a lot to take in right now.
On one VERY HAPPY NOTE..... I am gonna be an aunt!!!:0) My brother and his wife are expecting their first one in the Fall!!!!! My mom is SUPER happy...it's the first Grand baby for her!:0) Maybe their second can grow up with our first;0)
Have a great week!! *HUGS*
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Still alive!
I am still here! I am SO busy with work and school I literally DO NOT have any time to come on here! To catch you up... I just celebrated 6 year anniversary on the 8th... caught a HORRIBLE stomach virus on the 7th and was sick up until yesterday(13th) with it. YEAH...pretty awful stuff. We went out last night for a Valentines? Anniversary present since I was sick on my anniversary. I got Wii Fit for my anniversary. LOVE IT!! More on that later! I guess there is one blessing to the stomach virus...the Wii and the scale both said I am 10 pounds lighter!:0)HAPPY VALETINE'S DAY TO ALL!! Or as we call is Shmalentine's Day. (we incorporate our cat Shmegdwarf into all holidays) I know cheesy...but we love him...a lot!
Oh yeah going to Indianapolis next month for spring break. E and whoever else...what do we need to see/ do there??!!
Oh yeah going to Indianapolis next month for spring break. E and whoever else...what do we need to see/ do there??!!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Yuck...back to work!
We have been out of school and work for the last two days due to ice and snow. I am NOT looking forward to going to class or work. I kind of like this whole no school thing.....oh well! Back in the grind. How many days until spring break??
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
IT'S BACK!!!!
Last week one of my greatest loves came back! Yep American Idol is back on. I am a HUGE HUGE fan of the show. Our first song at our wedding was a moment like this by Kelly Clarkson. For those that don't know I am a singer and I went to college(the first time) on a music scholarship. I love watching to awful ones and love getting goose bumps from the great ones.:0) This is a new year for me...maybe this will be the summer I try out!? Anyway, I am SO excited about this season. I am also excited I bought Joe Tivo for Christmas...no more missed shows!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
My first sewing project on my new machine!!
My dear friend Alexa is having a Birthday tomorrow and is moving soon back to Cincinnati where she is from. I was trying to think of the perfect gift for her. Her two favorite loves are Pabst Blue Ribbon beer and purses. So I decided to combine them. I bought the shirt on eBay. It arrived last night and I soon got to work! Here are some pictures of the finished product. Hope you(and she) enjoy them!
The first picture is the pocket inside the purse made from the sleeve of the shirt. The second picture is the finished product.
P.S. I am now taking your requests for t-shirts too!:0)
The first picture is the pocket inside the purse made from the sleeve of the shirt. The second picture is the finished product.
P.S. I am now taking your requests for t-shirts too!:0)
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Marley and Me
Grab a friend or your hubby and a box of tissues and go see it! I loved it and recommend it to anyone!
Friday, January 02, 2009
2009= the year of me
My New Years resolution is to spend this year on me. I have decided that this year I am going to try new adventures, find new hobbies and spend the year on myself. My best friend here is joining Weight Watchers and wants me to be her support, so I am going to join too. I am going to use this year to find a way to exercise that I actually ENJOY versus seeming like exercise. I am not a runner or treadmill fan. Asthma and big boobs=not liking to run! So...I am going to explore my options. When my Grandmother passed away last February she willed her AMAZING high tech sewing;embroidery machine to me.I just got it last week and I am looking forward to using it. I know how to sew but I am going to explore the world of embroidery. I have never been a reader, but I am going to make a point to read this year. Even if it's a page a book per night. I survived high school and college on cliff's notes and those that know me know I am ADD, but I want to enjoy reading.
I love to cook and if I can brag for a minute I am a damn good one! he he but this year I am going to branch out in my cooking styles and create dishes I would have never made before. I am even going to branch into some seafood which I have not been a fan of before.
Anyway, I guess this blog is getting long so I will run. Basically I am saying that somewhere along the way in trying to please everyone else I forgot about myself. NOT THIS YEAR!! I am going to live for me and do things I love.
I love to cook and if I can brag for a minute I am a damn good one! he he but this year I am going to branch out in my cooking styles and create dishes I would have never made before. I am even going to branch into some seafood which I have not been a fan of before.
Anyway, I guess this blog is getting long so I will run. Basically I am saying that somewhere along the way in trying to please everyone else I forgot about myself. NOT THIS YEAR!! I am going to live for me and do things I love.
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